A little alliteration, and learning to love your losses.
September 24th, 2025
Bottom Lounge. Chicago, IL
8:02pm, local time.
Featuring: Miss Misery, Panic Priest, House of Harm, Vision Video.
I leaned back in the chair, belt and boots squeaking against the green pleather. ‘Just do it, and tap me on the shoulder when it’s over.’ These are the last words of feigned courage I had before my headphones went on, and four teeth would be pulled from my skull while I was awake to feel everything the local anesthetic couldn’t kill.
The real pain would come later, once it wore off.
But in the dentist’s office, all I had was my service dog, Misneach (mish-nock), and a pair of headphones to help me escape. So as Panic Priest’s ‘Psychogoria’ overtook my senses, I slipped into a headspace- I’m not a terrified little white man shivering in a chair, no. I’m in a cyberpunk future, getting upgrades. I lost myself in the possibilities: what could I get installed in my jaw? A module that analyzes what I eat and updates my food journal accordingly? Boring, corporate. One that makes me a better singer, correcting my pitch? That could be alright. One that adds a voice modulator, so I don’t need a third party app to DM my D&D campaign on Sundays? Hey, now we’re on to something.
Anyway. Anything was better than the reality: I had severe overcrowding, and four of my teeth needed to go in order to make room for the rest to stretch out and be their best. So, annoyed with my crooked smile as I was, I said ‘fuck it’ and endured some of the deepest physical pain I’ve ever felt.
It’s been seven months, and it was worth it. I smile at everyone, now, proudly, finally satisfied that the problem is resolved.
Shortly after Dark Force Fest this year, I left the journal I’d been working for. ‘Creative differences’ is the industry lingo, yeah? There’d been rifts; I’m very loud about the need for goths, punks, and their graveyard cousins to be vocal in our opposition to fascism and human harm, to be involved locally, to do mutual aid, to be seen, to be strong, to be loud, to be brave, to spit in the face of our fear. When that deep, core belief was challenged, it was time for me to chew the reins off and run free.
It wasn’t painless. It hurt in much the same way as four teeth being ripped out of your head: like all hell.
But life isn’t painless. Sure, you can try to keep yourself safe, and sometimes, you’ll even win that gamble. But no one makes it out unscathed. We all carry scars, it’s just a difference in whether or not they show. If we let them be seen.
‘This next song is dedicated to anyone who finds it a struggle to just make it through one more day.’
- Panic Priest, leading into Live Another Day
I haven’t covered a show since; it’s been four months, and my Dark Force Fest article went unpublished, languishing in the drafts. I didn’t know if it would ever be read. Still don’t, really. But I’ll post it here, my new home, so even if not one eyeball ever finds it but my own, at least it finally is where it belongs.
There have been rumors wiggling through the soil, but yesterday, Dusty confirmed the very real possibility that this may be Vision Video’s final tour. Were this a mutual decision between the band members, it would be less of a heartbreak. But it’s the news that this is out of their hands that truly stings.
See? None of us are immune to the fall, the shatter, and picking up the pieces. Not even the beloved Goth Dad is without his own strife. But even if this is their unexpected farewell tour, I’m eager to see what he does next.
It’s only goodbye forever if you never say hello again, you know? In the meantime, with the unknown looming and the future of the band uncertain, what choice do Vision Video have but to give the performance of their lives, to make what may be their last few shows something extra special, for the people who have never seen them before, and for everyone who they may never perform for again… But mostly I hope they do it for themselves. Pour every ounce of love they have for it, just a few more times.
There is undoubtedly something to be said for knowing that the final encore, the last bow, and the splintering to follow, are all coming, knowing they will hurt, and white-knuckling through anyway, on the chance that the crash landing might put you somewhere interesting.
Barely into Panic Priest’s set, a string snapped on his guitar, a technical shenanigan I only became aware of thanks to my partner; knowing the theme of this piece, he texted ‘a string broke on his guitar- might be worth mentioning in your article?’
He tilted his camera’s screen towards me, and certain as spotting that one guy who’s at every show, there it was, a stray string, dislocated, refusing to cooperate in a moment where its lacking would surely be of note.
And up there, on stage, I’m sure it was. But to me, at the back of the venue, singing along to whichever banger I was when that string gave up the ghost, doing the wallflower shuffle as my handwriting slowly degraded… It sounded, felt, was, perfect.
In spite of it, the show never stopped. Didn’t even slow. There was no downtime, not a second where I didn’t feel connected and one with the flowing mass of people on the floor, didn’t feel a real life moment of ‘bardic inspiration’ cast across the venue.
So maybe, sometimes, even when the words of the day and the predictions of tomorrow are dire, even when your future is uncertain, even when your moment got disrupted, it’s okay, great even, to do as the man in his signature patterned button-front and crowned by glorious curls just cried, and Dance to the Downfall.
You can’t always stop a string from breaking, or a complication from ending your band before you were ready, or a friendship from ending brutally, or the online journal that launched your career from feeling like it isn’t the place for your voice anymore. But you can grab a friend, a partner, family bloodline bound or lovingly found, or hell, even that one guy who is at every single show, and make the most beautiful something out of it.
Welcome to Margin Missives.
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Support local music! Check out all of the artists we saw tonight here:
Miss Misery
Panic Priest
House of Harm
Vision Video